The Future Obscure

The Bear Rumbles

reinardthefox — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:12:00 +0000

There has been an uneasiness inside of me for the past few days now. I have been waking up early in the morning, my heart beating and my mind racing. When I open my eyes, I want to jump out of bed and do something – anything, anything at all! But that’s when the realization sets in, that I’m on vacation and there is absolutely nothing to do. Last week, I was finalizing the paperwork for my graduation, tying loose ends for my last day at my internship, and prepping for a nerve-wrecking interview. This week, nothing. 500mph to 0mph. These days have been dragging by and seem so long. This must be what Alexander the Great felt after conquering what was then the known world and then being forced to sit down and relax – albeit, on a much smaller scale.
Well, this free time gives me a chance to work on my hobbies so I’ll try to keep myself busy with that. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop the bear inside me from rumbling, but at least I can quench its thirst until it’s ready to get out of hibernation.

2010 – The New 2009

reinardthefox — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:24:20 +0000

Let’s be honest. For a lot of us, the beginning of 2010 will just be another beginning of 2009. We will all make promises that, in the back of our minds, we don’t intend to keep. The cliché promises of getting in shape or working harder at some hobby or beginning something new will be lost in the clutter of all the stress that a new year brings, whether it be the physical clutter of your room that you intended to clean a few months ago or the mental clutter of you trying to convince yourself to get up and do something with your life instead of sitting in front of the computer typing up an article on how you intend to do so. *deep breath*

This year, however, I do promise to do one thing. I promise not to lie to myself. I promise not to allow myself to get too far into dwelling in my dreams of the obscure future because the fact is, I need to eat. I need to eat right now and at least three times a day for the rest of the year until I write another one of these articles. I’m not at all giving up my dreams or future plans, however. I will just force myself to be more practical and to strategize my every move in order to make the year of the tiger as comfortable as I can. I will be a hybrid of dreams and practicality. I will be a practical dream. I belong to a species that can adapt to almost anything and for 2010, I will have to adapt to this economy. But rest assured, that if I get any real downtime, I will be dreaming… dreaming something impractical.

And here… we… go.

reinardthefox — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 03:14:03 +0000

What can I say? I had a really great day today. As much of a rebel as I tried to be about all things institutionalized, in the end I’m just a normal human being. I liked graduating. I liked the feeling of going on stage and taking that diploma. I liked watching everyone cheer and yell in excitement – probably at the guy behind me, but it was still in my direction. Most of all, I liked being cheesy with my friends and family in front of the camera. Smiling and laughing and not at all feeling embarrassed about my mother, aka the paparazzi, constantly taking photos of my friends and I while we were talking as opposed to my “cooler” days in high school – which is a bit of an oxymoron now that I think of it. I think growing up has had the opposite effect on me. I’ve become less self-aware and more in-the-moment, like a kid. Tomorrow, I’ll worry about all those things that nag at normal grown-ups like bills, credit, and work. Today, I’m going to be a kid.

The Really Real World

reinardthefox — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:49:04 +0000

It’s time. It’s time to leave the warmth and comfort of my cave. It’s time to let go of my crutches that have held me up for so long. It’s time to toss aside my security blanket and embrace the cold, cruel world. The really real world.

I never realized how distressed graduating college would make me feel. When you’re in college, all you want to do is get out. But now, as I feel myself stepping closer to the edge of the cliff, looking into the vast canyons of real life, I am at a loss. It’s not even the fact that I’m graduating that makes me nervous. It’s the fact that I haven’t yet found a job and Sallie Mae is already looming over my head. It’s the fact that I’m the first person in my family to graduate college and the pressure to do well in life is pressing up against my chest harder than Tiger Woods trying to repair his credibility with his sponsors. It’s the fact that I just bombed an interview with a great company because my mind was preoccupied with all those things.

I’ve been driving myself crazy over the past couple of days, just thinking about that interview. I analyzed every sentence, every facial expression, and attempted to decode all of my interviewers’ body languages to try to find anything positive that I can use to comfort myself within the next two weeks until I get a positive answer. I could find none. I know that if this is indeed the case, I should just leave it alone and go on, but I can’t. I feel like I failed so miserably that I have to keep going over it just so I don’t wind up repeating it again. I feel like I need to rise above this like Chuck Liddell after losing his first fight against Jeremy Horn.

But for now, I’m going to take a shower and wear my best dress shirt and tie. I’m going to shine my shoes and groom my hair and cut my nails. I’m going to slip my tassel onto my cap and wear my gown. Because today, I’m going to graduate.